As a parent, researcher, and writer who has spent over a decade studying the science of happiness, I’ve collected what I call my “Secrets of Adulthood” — lessons about creating a life filled with joy and meaning. Many of these insights return to one essential mission: helping our children grow into happy, emotionally healthy people.
Here are 12 simple, real-life parenting principles I follow every day.
1. Know When to Let Go of the Plan
Even the best-planned day can fall apart if your child is tired, cranky, or simply not in the mood. Be flexible and pivot when needed. A trip to the zoo means nothing if the entire outing ends in meltdowns.
2. Be the Calm in the Chaos
Parenting expert Aliza Pressman once told me that when parents steady themselves, children learn to regulate their emotions too. Kids don’t want to feel responsible for a parent’s mood — they want reassurance that you’re a stable, reliable presence.
3. Start and End the Day With Warmth
A sincere hello or goodbye — paired with eye contact, a hug, or gentle touch — strengthens connection and security. I try to greet my family with the same joy our dogs show when they see us walk in.
4. Celebrate Everyday Moments
Small, fun traditions add delight to ordinary days. My holiday-themed breakfasts or goofy April Fool’s jokes take little time but make lasting, joyful memories.
5. Only Say “No” When It Truly Matters
If your child wants to mix clashing colors or sleep upside down on the bed, it’s harmless. Save your firm boundaries for issues that actually impact safety, health, or values.
6. Match Your Parenting to Your Child’s Personality
Different kids respond to different approaches. Using frameworks like my “Four Tendencies” can help you tailor expectations — what motivates a Rebel may not work for an Upholder.
7. Look for the Humor
Parenting comes with chaos. When my daughter once covered the kitchen in pots and pans, laughter saved the moment. Years later, those “disasters” often become family favorites.
8. Notice and Name Their Strengths
Kids often struggle to see what makes them special. Tell them when you see traits like creativity, memory, empathy, or resourcefulness. Those words help build confidence that lasts.
9. Validate Their Feelings
Avoid dismissing emotions with comments like “That wasn’t scary” or “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, acknowledge their perspective: “That sounds upsetting,” or “This really hurt your feelings.”
10. Don’t Go Fishing for Negativity
Asking loaded questions (“Was that class terrible again?”) encourages kids to focus on the worst parts of their day. Stay open, but don’t lead them toward pessimism.
11. Make Everyday Tasks Easier
Simple tweaks — low hooks instead of hangers, stools in key spots, kid-height shelves — help children feel capable and reduce frustration for everyone.
12. Remember: Long Days, Short Years
In tough moments, remind yourself how quickly childhood passes. Maintaining perspective helps you stay patient, present, and joyful. And one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is being a genuinely happy parent.
